It’s been more than two months since Mom passed. In some ways it is getting easier. I’ve been extremely busy, busy hands keep the mind focused. We’ve welcomed many house guests this summer. Somehow life goes on.

My writing has defintely been put on a back burner with everything else that’s been going on. But I’ve regitered for an excellent Writers Conference in Cincinnati and I expect to get back into a more productive writing  routine  as summer activities wind down. 

There was a time when I studied and prepared for exams regarding the Grieving Process. I knew the right things to say and what to expect but I never knew what it really felt like to grieve. Well, forty years ago my little brother was killed in an accident and that was very hard… But losing Mom and suddenly becoming the oldest woman in our large family has profoundly impacted me. 

Someone called last week and asked, “So, how are you?”

I responded, “Okay. How are you?”

 She said, “Spectacular.”

I answered, “It’s been a long time since I’ve felt spectacular.”

She asked, “What’s wrong?”

I replied softly, “Well, my mother died only a few weeks ago.” (This was something the caller was well aware of.)

She said, “Well, when you wake up tomorrow, just tell yourself you are going to have a happy day.”

 I hesitated and then answered, “Sure, I’ll try that.”

The caller probably meant well…but grieving takes time. I’m sure we greivers can become an aggravating annoyance but please be patient with us. Losing  a loved one to cancer is a long goodby and we all recover from our grief at our own pace. Yes, life goes on and I’m trying.

Mom has been gone for four weeks today. The emotional numbness is somewhat less than it was intially but I still feel like I’m operating on automatic in a thick fog. 

I ocassionally find myself starting to pick up the phone to tell her something or ask her advise. Yes, even grandmothers like to talk to their mothers!

I found a small poster in a gift shop last week:

My mother didn’t

Tell me whow to live…

She showed me.

The writer of those wise words must have known my mom!

We often discussed books together when she was still able to read books. Sometimes I’d  complain to her about a book I was forcing myself to read for a Book Club. Near the end of her long illness she looked at me one day with that mischievious Irish twinkle in her eyes and said, “You know life is too short to waste on bad books!”

I’ve thought about that comment quite often since she’s been gone. I think it can be applied to many aspects of life. Maybe we should prioritize our lives and do only the things we’d want to do if we knew we had a short time to live.

After all our allotted time is relevant and in the whole scheme of things, none of us will be here long enough to waste the precious gift of time.

My mother bravely battled cancer for the last twenty two months. She passed away four days ago. Even though I knew it was coming, I feel numb. Like my world will never be the same. It’s hard to fathom never being able to call my mother again. To never buy her another birthday gift or Mother’s Day card. Is a person ever really ready for the final good bye?

I was fortunate to have had a mother who devoted her life to her family. She was well known for her wit, loyalty and keen intelligence. She had a knack for making everyone of her six surviving children, 21 grandchildren and 26 great grandchildren feel like they were her favorite. Probably  because they all were!

Family dynamics are incredibly interesting.  Mom managed to mend a few family rifts from her sickbed. She had a gift of wisdom that was uncanny. Even though she is gone, she’ll always be with us. I told her a few weeks ago, “You will live as long as any of us who know and love you live.”

She was 84 years young. She always hated tatoos. But when her great granddaughter proudly showed her the new tattoo on her back, “Live, Love and Laugh–Texas Grandma” - inside a heart with red roses around it. (Texas Grandma was the nickname her grandchildren have called her for many years.) Mom beamed and said, “Did you see that beautiful tattoo? It has my name on it!”

I replied, “Mom we don’t need to tattoo your name on our bodies, you’ll be in our hearts forever.”

The daffodils are in bloom with their cheerful yellows here and there in nearly every garden we pass. Hallelujah! Sure, we had snow two nights ago but the hearty early spring flowers were not fazed. And it all melted before noon.

Oh gawd, speaking of yellow…as I sit here typing, my dog started to make that gagging heaving sound he sometimes does. It’s never good when that happens. I turned around to find him spitting, (I hate to call it vomit), a bright yellow liquid all over the carpets, etc.

Well, I’m back from that distraction, all is cleaned up again. My new novel is coming along, I’m finally finding blocks of time to work on it. And it’s a fun story to write. I hope when at last it is finished, people will find it an equally enjoyable story to read.

I had the pleasure and honor of treating novelist Lenore Hart, (author of Waterwoman, Becky, etc.), to lunch the day after her One Book Bradford event on April 1. She’s an inspiring and delightful person. Before we knew it, 2.5 hours had slipped by! For me it was like an Oasis of joy on what’s been a tumultuous time in my life with my mother’s declining health as well as aunts and uncles who have also become seriously ill.

 I continue to read lots of books and we usually watch movies every week. Nothing jumps out as particularly memorable as I write, just entertaining. And, hey, entertaining is not a bad thing! Last night we went to see Date Night. We laughed till tears trickled down our cheeks. We were thoroughly entertained and I got to eat lots of popcorn. I love popcorn at the movies!

Well, I have a good Lee Smith novel to finish tonight and some leftover popcorn from last night’s movie. Till next time. Keep reading and I hope your dog doesn’t get sick!

Another snow storm is expected this afternoon but we take it in our stride in northwestern Pennsylvania. Besides  it’s not so hard to accept more snow since spring is less than a month away.  And we are definitley ready for spring.

 We were fortunate to go south for ten days earlier this month but the weather at Hilton Head, S.C. was only a little warmer than home. At least we didn’t have any snow to shovel while we were there! And we were able to visit several family members on the way south as well as on the way home.

While there we watched several really good movies: The Hurt Locker, Crazy Heart, Dear John  and the Edge of Darkness.

We enjoyed spending time with friends who live there during the winter.  He’s a retired gynecologist/obstetrician who made this comment during a discussion one evening, ”There are no illegitimate babies, only illegitimate parents.” It was a Wow moment for me.

I’ve been busy preparing gift baskets which include a copy of “Runaway Grandma”, candy, etc. for fund raisers and speaking engagements. Next week I’ll speak to the Current Events Club and the Eastern Star ladies.  I must confess a writers natural tendency is to avoid the spotlight. I’d prefer to stay on the sidelines, watch others and then twist those observations into stories. But that doesn’t help get my books noticed and into the hands of more readers. And speaking does get a bit easier as I continue to do it…

On Feb. 23 I drove to State College and had the pleasure of spending the afternoon with my granddaughter who will graduate this summer. Then I went to WPSU radio to tape a book review of “Still Alice”, (please see last month’s blog for more info on the book), for BookMark which will air on March 3 at 4:30 p.m. and again on March 7 at 9:30 a.m. It was fun. The new WPSU studio is amazing. Patty Satalia and Cynthia Berger stopped by to say hello, I’d worked with both of them in the past on other projects.  Sarah B. Maloney was great to help me record this BookMark review. It will be archived on WPSU’s radio audio archives.

Till next time, happy reading my friends… Ann

Outside my window, the snow is blowing in wicked white-outs as I write. I am recovering from a bout with the flu, probably swine. I hope I never get that sick again!

I am behind in my Christmas preparations, probably because I’m having a hard time putting my heart into it this year. The good news is both my novels are still selling decently and I received nice royalty checks this year. The bad news is all my good intentions of fininshing my fourth novel are met with procrastinaton my part. I know how and what to write but just can’t seem to find the time to do it.

My mother’s cancer has metastisized; last month her oncologist told her she can expect about six more months to live. All my siblings, their children and grandchildren came home for Thanksgiving. Out of the blue my friend, Kay, called and offered her church to cook a traditional Thanksgiving dinner for all 75 of us!! Mom loved it and it was so good to all be together again, there was much laughter and plenty of tears. Mom is still as feisty as ever. And we are praying for a miracle…

Of course, I try to spend as much time with my parents as I can, despite the distance and weather. My literary agent is on the ball and working hard to find a pubisher for book # three.

Wishing all of you a blessed holiday season. Happy reading!

I intended to write this blog more frequently but the weeks have rolled by again. Life always seems to get in the way. Summer is winding down, even though the weather has heated up. Schools start next week.

Agents are still expressing interest in my third novel as I work away on my fourth novel. I bought myself a new framed sign for my desk:

“My hopes are not always Realized but I always hope.” by Ovid  

It would be impossible for me to continue writing without hope!

I’ve spent lots of time with my grandchildren the last few weeks, and that’s always time well spent.  My mother is holding her own and that is such a blessing in itself.

I auditioned for a play, with the local community theater, on a whim and with a bit of encouragement from my husband … AND I got the part! I’ve never acted before but I think it will be loads of fun. It’s “The Dixie Swim Team” written by the same writer who wrote “The Golden Girls” TV series. It is a cast of five women, I have the part of Dinah, a Bea Arthur like character. And we all have to speak our parts with a southern accent. The play will be at UPB on Oct 16, 17 and 18. Wish me luck!

I’ve read many books this summer, my favorites are:

 Shanghai Girls by Lisa See and Still Life by Louise Penny.

Book Clubs certainly keep me reading new authors and exploring genres I’d never open if not for club choices. I may not be reading quite as many books in September since I have a script to memorize…

Later,  Ann

Maybe a woman needs to be post menopausal to enjoy the weather we’ve had so far this summer, but I certainly am. Not one day over 90 and that’s great with me! And so much rain that I don’t even have to water the gardens everyday, God does a much better job anyway.

Today I feel a bit blue. Frank McCourt died yesterday. I never met him. But I so loved his writing and listening to his lovely Irish accent when he gave interviews on television or on the radio. He taught school for thirty years in the NYC area, all of his former students are fortunate indeed. If you haven’t read Angela’s Ashes, Tis and Teacher Man, I suggest you do. You are in for a real treat. He has the true gift of the Irish with the English lanquage, keen perception completely void of resentment. There are pages in Angela’s Ashes that made me laugh out loud and then cry a few paragraphs later. Very powerful. After reading it, I never looked at poor people the same way.

 Last months interested agent passed but with kindness, wishing me luck. Today I received word from another agent, (one I’d truly be thirilled if she represented my work), who wants to read the entire manuscript. I just can’t help being optimistic!

 I have three grandchildren here with me this afternoon and it’s getting noisy… so I best close this blog for today. We’re going out to dinner and then to see the new Harry Potter Movie tonight. Crafts tomorrow and then swimming on Wednesday. Thursday I have another Book Signing at the Forest Nook in Cooks Forest, PA.

Till next time… hope you all are having a great summer too.  Ann

Today is Fathers Day and I had the pleasure of sitting beside my dad for breakfast. I had to drive ninety minutes to be there but it was so worth it. My mom, sisters and their husbands were also there. But I was the one who got to sit beside Dad! He’ll be 87 on his birthday later this summer. He cuts firewood, plants a garden and takes care of Mom as well as the farm we all think of as home.

Mom was discharged from the hospital on Friday after emergency admission for treatment of three blood clots in her lungs… she informed her oncologist she had had her last chemotherapy treatment. She has lost so much weight and tires quickly but other than that remains her normal feisty self.

We were away the week of June 8 at a local resort using a time share week for a family vacation of sorts. One son was laid off the month of April and is still feeling the financial  pinch from that, the other son is currently laid off but is due to go back ot work July 12. His wife is in training in Buffalo, NY for her new position with the Social Security Adminsistration.

But everyone came as much as they could, it was a little cool for swimming but we played lots of tennis. (My husband has a tennis ball machine.) I even shot a gun on the target range, they said I was a natural because I hit the target every time. But gee how hard is that, you aim the gun right at it and shoot! What else was I going to hit?? I didn’t like the kick of the gun, they said I should try a smaller caliber, I was shooting with a 9 mm.

It was good to spend time with the the family though very hectic with 10 grandchildren from ages 5 through 25 coming and going! My parents also came to visit one day. There is definitley something to be said for local vacations.

A Literary Agent in California wants to read the first fifty pages of my new novel, It Happened on Willow Lane…naturally I plan to send it to her as soon as possible. Being a natural optimist, I can’t help but hope this mught be a really good thing for my writing career.

The last few weeks of my life have been consumed with details planning a Surprise Birthday Party for my husband.  We pulled it off Saturday night with 100 of his closest friends and family. All our guest beds were full after the party as well as six rooms at an inn near our home. We hosted a brunch for 17 at our home Sunday morning, before everyone started their long drives home.

I feel so relieved that it is over…all the lies and deceit can now start going back into my fiction rather than ruling my life! (I’d had my dress clothes packed in the car for a couple days.) Saturday morning I pretended to drop a chocolate eclair on him and smear it on his trousers, in order to get him to change into a pair of black ones that would be more appropriate for the party without rousing his suspicions…I took a necktie in my purse for him to put on later.

I had our minister’s wife call me Saturday afternoon with an SOS call for help serving at a funeral dinner at the church late Saturday aft. I pretended to cry for the passing of a ficitonal lady and said, “It’s a shame, she attended our church for sixty years and when she dies, noone even has time to honor her life…” Then he said, “Well if you’re really short, I could come help in the kitchen too.” Yikes!! I really had friends meeting me to decorate.  His daughters came up with a scheme to get him to the party and it was a wonderful evening.

After the shock wore off, he said it was the best day of his life to be so honored by so many of the people he cares about the most. He was roasted and toasted and heard all the things that are usually said after a person is gone.

Happy Spring to all of you…and please keep reading. No matter how busy I am, I read at least one book a week, usually two.  And if you are not a member of a Reading Group or Book Club, please find one to join or start your own, you only need about six people committed to giving it a try. Check online or with your local librarian for guidelines on how to start one. It’s great fun to talk about books you’ve read with your book friends!